At age 19, I lost out on being in a relationship with a guy I was crazy about… all because I insisted on being chaste before marriage. About 2 weeks later, on Christmas Eve (meaning, the morning of Christmas Eve), I had a dream that the end of the world was coming, and that Satan’s forces were going after Christians and killing them. In the dream, I remembered a promise I had made to a friend (a non-existent person) who was killed and ran into a house to find his two children and to protect them. I tried to hide them in an inner room in the basement, but there was no lock on the door, so I had to hold the door shut from the inside as soldiers were trying to break the door down. I felt so scared and alone knowing that I was the only one left to protect the children and knew that my strength would give way. Suddenly, I had an impulse to just allow the door to open. When I did, Christ was standing there, and the house and the apocalyptic world disappeared. The children and I ran to Christ and cried in his arms, and when that was done, he took us around the new world, which was a mixture of wilderness and stone remnants of civilization. Some people from my church, as well as many unidentified others, were standing there, greeting us.
A few months after that dream, starting on Easter Sunday, a long period of “Hell” began for me that was related to the struggle to remain chaste and to find love. It was truly Hell in that I lost a lot of things that I cared for (including the love and respect of my family and the respect I had for myself), and I began to question my faith and doubt that God loved me. In a way, I think God sent me the dream to prepare myself for this time. I think the little boys represent innocence that I had to protect… since I was the last adult to protect them, I was meant to mature and be part of the “church militant” during my period of Hell. By holding the door without a lock shut, I was meant to show great strength in the face of overwhelming adversity. And, by trusting the intuition to allow the door to open, I was meant to keep my heart open to Christ and trust in him to come at the right moment.
I don’t believe in predestination, but I do believe that God knew this part of life was going to be hard for me if I held onto my beliefs, or at least had the desire in my heart to do so. I think it was his way of comforting me before the storm came, and trying to tell me ahead of time to just hang on. All I know is that when I saw Christ in the dream, my heart felt an ecstasy that it had never experienced before.