I am considering a return to the Catholic Church. I also have a desire to serve, as a studied to a minister prior to my conversion. While I was a practicing Catholic, I entered into discernment for the priesthood. That went away when I left the Church, this is explained below. Yet, if the priesthood or deaconate or whatever is off the table, that is fine with me because nursing provides a good future for me, and its about doing Christ's will, not my will. In other words, I am discerning a return to the Catholic church first and foremost. Even if God were to appear to me and say, your calling is marriage and thats it, you're going to have a great nursing career. But I still want you to return to Catholicism" I would say :
Great, I'm happy. How wonderful. :)
This may be long but please bear with me. I need some personal advice. I really have been pushing myself to get into the Word of God more and spend more time in prayer and I sense myself moving closer to the Lord. Granted, my behavior has become anything but perfect, but I do sense some subtle positive changes. I am glad about that. What frustrates me to death is that every time I do this, I get the idea that the Holy Spirit is saying to me that God is not finished with me yet-in the sense that I still have some kind of calling on my life. For what, I do not know. I studied to become a minister in seminary a few years ago. Now I am in nursing school thinking that is part of the plan God has for me. I don't doubt that at all. I think nursing presents a good opportunity for me. I'm not going to beat around the bush, there's part of me that still is open to being called to the vocational ministry in some fashion. I am only 30 years old, I mean its not like my life is over yet!
Sometimes I wonder if this is God, or if it is a cry of my human spirit, or something more sinister working to make me feel like a failure and to get me angry or frustrated with God. Little does the enemy know, I have made peace with God about that and surrendered it to Christ. I am willing to do what he wants of me, whether he calls me and leads me to that or not. I wish there were some ways to get more involved that I am. I have to balance work, school, meeting the needs of an ill mother right now. I do know that it is true, how can you handle the big things before proving you are faithful in the little ones?
I love (our church) and I really enjoy being a part of the church. The liturgy and sacramental worship are what drew me to the Anglican tradition. I also came the way of the Anglican tradition because after converting to Catholicism a few years ago post seminary, I really started to doubt some of the Catholic Church's positions on some of the things it teaching. I was in a bind. But now I see that I will not always be able to logically understand everything no matter where I am, and that overanalyzing does me no good. I think there is part of me that really misses some things about Catholicism that aren't as emphasized in our tradition. I miss praying my Rosary, going to confession, doing stations of the cross, going to daily Mass when I can and the like. I was a pretty devout Catholic for some time. I have started to wrestle with where I really belong, Anglicanism or Catholicism. I am stuck in between the two, yet I do not want to make any drastic moves, because as I said I love our church. This body has been nothing but loving and supportive of me. The Lord has shown me to grow where I am planted so to speak.