Yet another confession question

This past friday was the first time in 16 years I went to confession. I have social anxiety which made going to confession very, very nerve wracking and difficult. Also while I don’t have a full blown case of OCD or scruples, I definitely venture into that territory often.

During the confession, even though I had a list, my mind was all over the place and I think I started to get into too much detail (I get very talkative when I’m nervous) . The priest stopped me once to ask for clarification on something, then after confessing a few more sins, he stopped second time to ask me why I came back to the church. I told him what I tell everyone who asks me that: God’s love. God’s love has changed so much in my heart, how I act, and think. The anger and rage I use to feel inside is gone. The rejection I felt is gone. It was the grace of God that has brought me back to church and I truly feel like I am home again. After I told him this he congratulated me on coming back, gave me a few words of wisdom, gave me a penance and went straight to absolution. I was shaking like a leaf and so overwhelmed by the situation that I didn’t interrupt him, even though I still had a page and a half of sins to go over. I was still shaking when I got the pews to pray. It wasn’t until I got to the car and was able to calm down that I had this sense of peace I had not felt before. I thought about the sins I had committed, even the ones that weren’t confessed and they weren’t torturing me anymore, there was nothing but a sense of peace. It was the most beautiful feeling ever.

The previous two weeks at mass I felt a very strong urge to take part in communion which I had not felt before. It felt like God was calling me (I explained this to the priest too). That was the tip of the iceberg that got me to go to confession. As you can imagine I really wanted to take part of communion at mass yesterday and Saturday night I was praying and asking God if it was ok for me to take communion the next day. Fast forward to yesterday morning and before mass they were doing the adoration of the Eucharist. This was the first time since I started going to mass again this year since I’ve seen this happen. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever been a part of. Then during the homily as the priest was explaining the Gospel reading, he explained what Jesus was saying to Peter: “I love you, I forgive you, come and share this meal with me.” It felt like Jesus was talking right to me so I took communion and it was a really humbling and beautiful experience.

Unfortunately for me, I worry about everything and anything. And I am more than capable of over analyzing a grain of sand. I started to get doubts last night about my confession. I had zero doubts about it from after the confession on Friday until last night. I don’t know if it’s me over analyzing the situation again or what. I’m still learning how to see God as love, pure love. Not just as angry judge. Up until my confession on Friday I knew God loved me, I had felt His love before, but after the confession I felt His love on a whole different level. I keep thinking that if I was truly forgiven I wouldn’t feel this way, but I didn’t feel this way up until last night and I feel like I’m driving a wedge between me and God because of my worry and doubt.

Hi.

I’m very happy for your progress.

Do not let doubt be an obstacle. It seems to me that, from your post, your best acts occur when you don’t think too much about matters and simply let things fall where they may when it comes to hearing and responding to God’s word.

Confession does not automatically (if ever) provide a sensation of comfort, particularly since there is typically a penance you must perform to complete the process. Frequently, after we complete hard work, we’re tired, irritable. Even unhappy. But these sensations don’t offset the fact that you completed what was needed.

If I could offer any advice, it might be to let your feelings that attract you to God take control, and ignore the thoughts that question your motivations. God bless.

Have confidence in God and his mercy. You did the best you were capable of in that confession so all those sins on the list that you didn’t get to are forgiven; they were not intentionally held back. Satan likes to bring doubts to those who start feeling to close to God. It appears that he is up to his old tricks once again.

If any of the missed sins were serious ones you can mention them in your next confession and be assured that you have done a good and proper job of it, but those sins are already forgiven. Have no doubt of that. :):slight_smile:

Thank you for the replies! Praise be to God that He has helped me a lot this morning. I realized that what I am feeling isn’t as much about the confession, because I truly don’t feel burdened by my past sins, as my underlying feelings of guilt, shame, and the thought that I had always screwed something up. This goes back to childhood issues I had with my dad. He lived with us, but he rejected me and wanted as little to do with me as possible. I always felt like I had to walk on eggshells with him because he’s jump on mistakes I made and let me know how much I screwed up.

This has carried over into my adult life and my relationship with God. I feel like if I don’t do things right, He’ll get mad at me just like my dad use to do. My mother, God bless her, did (and still does) the best she could, but with a brother with special needs and my younger brother she was always pressed for time so maybe I didn’t get the attention and encouragement I needed when I was younger. As a result love can be difficult for me to comprehend at times. For example, I knew my mother loved me, but I’m not sure I really “felt” it. I think what’s happening now is I’m overwhelmed by how much God truly loves me cause I’ve never really felt worthy of such love and it’s confusing my poor little brain!

I sure felt His love this weekend, in fact one of the most beautiful things occurred to me on my drive home from church yesterday. I was looking at the beautiful blue sky, the trees, flowers, and how beautiful it is. When you look around at nature, at the universe you see How awesome and powerful God is. Yet, such a powerful and majestic God takes the time to come to each of us personally and tell us how much He loves us. Isn’t that beautiful?

I assume you confessed the most serious and if mortal sins first. If so don’t worry because all venial sins are forgiven in confession even if unconfessed

If there were serious ones unconfessed, don’t beat yourself up about it. You didn’t intentionally hold them back. Just get back to confession to confess them. Trust in the mercy of Jesus

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