You may be in a dissenting parish if...


#1

For some levity, I thought that we could complete the sentence:
You may be in a dissenting parish if… (ala Jeff Foxworthy)

You may be in a dissenting parish if there are traction strips down the main aisle so that the liturgical “movers” don’t slide into the altar

ok, I know it’s not great :rolleyes: — your turn!

Mel


#2

the kids in the confirmation class are collecting money at the church door to help pay for an abortion for one of their classmates.

The last youth group field trip was to picket the cathedral during priestly ordinations with signs and slogans demanding women priests.

Your fellow parishioner, who is also your local Democratic congressman with a 100% pro-choice voting record, is the keynote speaker for your Catholic Charities-Bishop’s Appeal fundraising drive kickoff.

Your church has no visible cross with the crucified Christ in the sanctuary, although you do have a huge risen Christ with distinctly feminine features, no beard, an prominent breasts over the altar.

Your church has no stained glass windows or statues, but suspended from the barn wood beams are hundreds of butterflies, peace signs and doves, all made from construction paper by the families in intergenerational religion program (your parish of course does not offer traditional CCD).

Please don’t laugh, when you get here I will drive you to visit these parishes.


#3

If, rather than praying as the Lord taught us during the Mass, everyone holds hands and sings Kumbaya…

If the Blessed Sacrament is reposed in a Tuppernacle…

If you have statues of St.Teilhard de Chardin and St. Dan Schutte.


#4

[quote=Panis Angelicas]If the Blessed Sacrament is reposed in a Tuppernacle…
[/quote]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Sorry.

:gopray:

DaveBj


#5

[quote=asquared]the kids in the confirmation class are collecting money at the church door to help pay for an abortion for one of their classmates.

The last youth group field trip was to picket the cathedral during priestly ordinations with signs and slogans demanding women priests.

Your fellow parishioner, who is also your local Democratic congressman with a 100% pro-choice voting record, is the keynote speaker for your Catholic Charities-Bishop’s Appeal fundraising drive kickoff.

Your church has no visible cross with the crucified Christ in the sanctuary, although you do have a huge risen Christ with distinctly feminine features, no beard, an prominent breasts over the altar.

Your church has no stained glass windows or statues, but suspended from the barn wood beams are hundreds of butterflies, peace signs and doves, all made from construction paper by the families in intergenerational religion program (your parish of course does not offer traditional CCD).

Please don’t laugh, when you get here I will drive you to visit these parishes.
[/quote]

:eek:
Double Ouch


#6

If the prayer of consecration refers to our pope, Michael and our bishop, Charlie from across town. (this is a little more than dissent, though)

The word "chraritable’ is mentioned from the pulpit 50 times for every one time the word “truth” is mentioned.


#7

When the priest ends the mass with the words, “Go, and sin forevermore.”


#8

I read somewhere that the Episcopalian Cathedral of St John the Divine in New York has a crucifix with a female Christ…:nope:


#9

…if, instead of having the proper collections all donations are placed on a large blanket. At the end of the mass, the priest and three altar servers each take a corner and toss the contents high into the air.

The priest says “Oh Lord, take whatever your divine providence needs, and we’ll keep the rest”.


#10

[quote=RNRobert]I read somewhere that the Episcopalian Cathedral of St John the Divine in New York has a crucifix with a female Christ…:nope:
[/quote]

A former Episcopalian, I used to go to confession with the Canon Pastor of the Cathedral of St. John the Divine and did see that thing hanging in the ambulatory. I believe it was a temporary display because I do not recall seeing it later. Maybe I have repressed the memory.

Actually (mind you, I was orthodox as an Episcopalian and also now as a Catholic), I did not find that crucifix as offensive as most people did, though I believe it did NOT belong in a church. I did not interpret it the way the sculptor intended: as an expression of how women are “crucified” by the oppressive, dead, White, European, male, patriarchal, phallocentric, linear-logical Church. Rather, I saw it as Carmelites see their bare cross: one must place oneself upon the cross with the Lord, and a woman is not exempt from uniting herself with that Sacrifice.

Wait til I put on my flak vest before you start the attack! :blessyou:


#11

You may be in a dissenting parish if… the priest just consecrates the donuts and coffee at the 10:30 Mass because “hey, let’s be practical, people have places to go.”

You may be in a dissenting parish if… you ask your pastor if he believes in a literal resurrection and he says, “Define resurrection.”

You may be in a dissenting parish if… your youth group uses unchaperoned co-ed sleepovers in the gym as a fundraiser.

You may be in a dissenting parish if… Sr. Mary Francis apologizes all over herself for not introducing her new “wife” to you.

You may be in a dissenting parish if… your bishop visits and the response is, “Who invited you?”

You may be in a dissenting parish if… you bring up a point of discussion from an encyclical, and the response is, “Oh, sure, but what does the Pope know?”

OR

You may be in a dissenting parish if… the youth group is planning to picket Cardinal Ratzinger for being too liberal.

You may be in a dissenting parish if… there is an elaborate security system and iron bars installed at the convent to keep the nuns in.

You may be in a dissenting parish if… there is a poll asking the parishioners if they would hand down a death sentence for immodesty and someone writes in, “Only if it’s on a Saturday, because I can’t afford to miss work.”

You may be in a dissenting parish if… your biggest fund-raiser is the annual Vatican II-burning and weenie roast.


#12

…you’ve ever heard “tie dyed” and “chasuble” mentioned in the same sentence.

…the lector shouts our “twister” positions during the “Our Father”

…You have more “special” collections for the Amazon Rainforest that for Amazon missions.


#13

a set of lipsticks appear in the sacristy that match with liturgical colours!!


#14

Unfortunately, mine would be actual dissents that I have experienced in Massachusetts. Would it be of value to tell them? Again these are real, they happened and they are not fiction.


#15

…if the Sign of the Cross is said “In the name of the Creator, the Redeemer, and the Sanctifier.” or “in the name of the Old man, Junior, and Spook.”

…if the Lord’s Prayer begins with “Our Father and Mother, who art in heaven…” (I actually heard that one!)

-Dan G


#16

[quote=Greg_McPherran]Unfortunately, mine would be actual dissents that I have experienced in Massachusetts. Would it be of value to tell them? Again these are real, they happened and they are not fiction.
[/quote]

Yes.


#17

You may be in a dissenting parish if…

…all your Masses are in Latin.

Because, unfortunately, disenters come from both ends of the sprectrum.


#18

[quote=Timidity]You may be in a dissenting parish if…

…all your Masses are in Latin.
[/quote]

Not if it’s a Latin Rite Parish.

Micki


#19

[quote=Timidity]You may be in a dissenting parish if…

…all your Masses are in Latin.

Because, unfortunately, disenters come from both ends of the sprectrum.
[/quote]

Since Vatican II affirmed that the Liturgy should be in Latin with Gregrian Chant and Polyphany…what in the heck is he talking about?

Oh yes. Dissenting from Amchurch


#20

[quote=Timidity]You may be in a dissenting parish if…

…all your Masses are in Latin.

Because, unfortunately, disenters come from both ends of the sprectrum.
[/quote]

Not true. Our parish is run by the Institute of Christ the King. All masses are in Latin and all sacraments are offered according to the Tridentine tradition. All with our Bishop’s approval. The Institute is also in great standing with the Vatican and His Holiness, John Paul II.


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