You might be a Lutheran if..


#1

Levity time!:D
...you only serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color for the season.

...you didn't know chow mein noodles were a Chinese food.

...when someone mentions red and green (in terms of Christmas), you immediately think of a battle over hymnals.

...during the entire service you hold your hymnal open but never look down at it.

...during communion you hum the hymns so you can see who's at church that Sunday.

...rather than introducing yourself to a visitor at church, you check their name out in the guestbook.

...you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.

...the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes. (Gotta beat the Baptists to Burger King, The Mormons to McDonald's and the Catholics to Cracker Barrel then)

...you make spaghetti at your house with the little macaroni noodles because they're not so messy then.

...you don't make eye contact when passing someone in the hall because you think it's impolite.

..in response to someone jumping up and shouting "Praise the Lord!", you politely remind him or her that we don't do that around here.

...your choir believes volume is a fair substitute for tonality.

...you make change in the offering plate for a ten.

...your dad's name is Luther N., your brother is Luther Hahn and you are Lew Theran.

...you think butter is a spice.

...the church is on fire, and you rush in to save the coffee pot.

...you have more than five flavors of Jell-O in your pantry.

...you know what a "dead spread" is.

...someone asks you after church if there's any "decaf coffee" and you laugh because you KNOW that if it doesn't have caffeine, it can't be coffee!

...you think anyone who says "casserole" instead of "hotdish" is trying to be uppity (or maybe even Episcopalian!)

...you think the term "Jell-O salad" is redundant.

..you think you're paying your pastor too much if he gets a new car for the first time in eight years.

...your LCMS pastor refers to St. Louis as "the holy city."

...at Thanksgiving you serve lutefisk and try to convince your kids it's really a turkey.

...you're at an evangelistic rally and you actually manage to raise your hands waist high.

...the only mealtime prayer you know is "Come Lord Jesus."

...you and your family of six squeeze into the last pew along with the 140 members already sitting there.

...you're 57 years old and your parents still won't let you date a Catholic.

...you can actually come up with responses to this.

...you sign a petition to have Campbell Soup Co. rename its "Cream of Mushroom soup" "Lutheran Binder!"

... you pronounce the word Lutheran "Lutern."

...requests you hear are preceeded or followed by the phrase, "If it's not too much trouble then..."

...you know all the words to the first verse of "Silent Night" in German but can't speak a word of it.

...you carry silverware in your pocket to church just in case there's a potluck.

...you have an uncontrollable urge to sit in the back of any room.

...your house is a mess because you're "saved by Grace," not by works.

...you think that an ELCA Lutheran bride and an LCMS Lutheran groom make for a "mixed marriage."

...Folgers has you on their Christmas list.


#2

:bigyikes: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


#3

[quote="batman1973, post:1, topic:308871"]

...the church is on fire, and you rush in to save the coffee pot.

[/quote]

This is the funniest one :D


#4

I’ve noticed this…whenever I go to a ELCA Lutheran church they have two differently-colored hymnals.


#5

Oh man, the hymnal wars! There is a significant group of Lutherans across all the synods who pine away for the “1941” hymnal, and fondly recall every bit of the musical settings of the “page 5 or page 15” services.

That would include me. I actually bought a pristine edition of the 1941 “The Lutheran Hymnal” just to be sure I would always have it with me.


#6

Thank you for the thread. I’m hoping it will spark more “You might be a X if…” type good humored threads. Laughter has a way of drawing us closer.


#7

No problem! Anyone, please feel free to add! Here's a few more:
..you wonder why bread and wine are used for Communion instead of coffee and donuts.

...you are referred to as the frozen chosen!

...Commandment #11--If it's never been done that way before, don't do it.

...you consider lottery tickets a serious investment.

...you make your hotdishes with cream of mushroom soup and your salads with Jell-O.

...you sing "Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus" while sitting down.

...a line item in the trustee's budget is "coffee maker maintenance."

...you think tuna hotdish is a gourmet meal.

...your idea of an affirmation is "This is most certainly true."

...you feel guilty about not feeling guilty.

...it's 110 degrees outside and you still have coffee after services.

...change means wearing your brown suit instead of your blue suit to church.

...you read your Catechism and start arguing theology with yourself because no one else is around.

...every time something changes, the old one was better.

.sharing the peace during the service takes more time than the sermon.

...all your relatives graduated from a school named Concordia.

...you count coffee among the sacraments.


#8

:ehh: I don't know, are you sure you didn't mean "You might be a Minnesotan if?."


#9

...at Thanksgiving you serve lutefisk and try to convince your kids it's really a turkey

.
Considering I'm from Minnesota, I've been pretty lucky so far in avoiding the consumption of lutefisk. Still, I think I want to try it for the novelty sometime in my life.


#10

I think I must be a closet Lutheran!:bigyikes:

Thanks for the laugh. My late, great, Lutheran friend would have loved this.:D


#11

[quote="jilly4ski, post:8, topic:308871"]
:ehh: I don't know, are you sure you didn't mean "You might be a Minnesotan if?."

[/quote]

There are a lot of people from your neck of the woods that are Lutheran then.:D


#12

Too funny! Has anyone heard the “Lutheran Airlines” audio clip? It is hilarious!!!

Here is a link to it: youtube.com/watch?v=CfL7o2Fd1a8

Enjoy :slight_smile:


#13

LOL, Donch ya know, it comes from the strong Scandinavian and German immigrant presence. :wink: Hot dish and green jello (don’t forget the carrots). :thumbsup:


#14

LOL, Donch ya know, it comes from the strong Scandinavian and German immigrant presence. Hot dish and green jello (don’t forget the carrots).

Can’t forget about getting some “melk” (milk) for the kiddies.


#15

You might be Lutheran…

…You takes notes during the sermon.

…sweaters are part of your ‘sunday best.’

…you leave stuff in the trunk of your car so the potluck food doesn’t slosh around.

…your church has a basment, and you use it.

…you kneel for communion, but won’t sit down for five minutes at the sign of peace.

…you can smell food in your church, but no incence.


#16

Lutefisk - Norway’s worst ever attempt at a practical joke :slight_smile:


#17

Come to the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle, Washington, home to the annual Lutefisk Festival. Yum yum, and mighty fine smelling, too. Ya sure, ya betcha!:wink:


#18

:rotfl:


#19

I have been married to a Lutheran for 31 years, live in Minnesota, and have survived 31 Christmas Eve dinners of lutefisk and meatballs. I am considered a triple threat. I only have a few things to add.

......your entire spice cabinet consists of salt and pepper, and you seldom use them because it makes things to "spicy
.....what is basically a potato tortilla (lefse) is considered a delicacy. My guess is due to its total lack of flavor. Plop some lutefisk in it and you have a Lutheran fish taco.
....You know the technique for getting the lutefisk down is to mix it with the gravy from the meatballs and swallow without chewing.
....if your 5 minutes late for any church service or activity, your considered to be early. The 10am service actually means 10ish.

Things that still puzzle me.

......the concept that you can buy "good" lutefisk, or "bad" lutefisk, how the heck can they tell?


#20

I don't have much experience with the Lutheran Church, but it appears from this thread that Martin Luther must have been a big fan of Jello and coffee! :D


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