Young son has a crush on a girl


#1

My son is almost 8 years old, but he already seems to have an attraction toward a girl. He has always been homeschooled and watches very little TV. If he watches anything it is always the most innocent kid show or something educational. My husband and I do not watch television around the kids. It seems very innocent but he says that he thinks about a certain friend (a girl) quite a bit, and he doesn’t understand why he likes her so much. He acts sort of awkward and crazy around her, as if he has a crush on her.

I just wanted some advice on how I should to talk to him about this. I’ve tried talking with him about what kind of behaviors are appropriate with friends, but he told me he has a hard time not thinking about it all the time, and I think this is affecting how he acts around her. How do I tell him not to dwell on these feelings and yet communicate to him that these feelings are not necessarily bad.

I think he is a pretty mature kid, for 8 years old. He is always interested in learning about his faith and has already made his first communion. He said he is worried about what this means for his vocation! I tried to reassure him, but i’m not sure exactly what to say. Sorry this is so long.

thanks!


#2

I don't think an 8 year old having an elementary crush is a big thing. It likely isn't sexual and just means that he finds her interesting, probably pretty and realizes that he's more interested and nervious around her than his other friends. She just seems special to him for some reason. I wouldn't read anything more into it beyond that. I'd tell him that he needs to focus on what God is calling him to do right now rather than 20 years from now, and to not worry about this little thing. If he obsesses over it, then it'll become a problem. The more you tell yourself not to think something, the more likely you're going to think it. As my Dad used to say "Don't think about pink elephants" If you keep saying that in your mind, you'll keep thinking about pink elephants.


#3

What to do? Get lots of video so you can embarrass him when he becomes a young man and brings his first girlfriend home.


#4

[quote="PatrickSebast, post:3, topic:213594"]
What to do? Get lots of video so you can embarrass him when he becomes a young man and brings his first girlfriend home.

[/quote]

:rotfl:

My son about the same age slugged a little girl because she was paying to much attention to another boy. I heard this from a teacher. She handled it and I didn't do anything more.

He grew up fine. Is married now with a child of his own.


#5

My son is 10. For the past two or three years there was always a girl he was sweet on. Last year there was a very special girl from the 1st week of school. The last week of school he told her that he liked her. I would not say he was obsessing over her, but he did keep their family Christmas card with all the kid's pictures. She and her siblings are being home-schooled this year.

This year he is in the 4th grade and there does not seem to be a 'special' someone. He may have grown out of it.


#6

Totally normal.

Homeschooling and no TV will not stop a boy from being a boy.:)

He said he is worried about what this means for his vocation!

I assume you are talking about his vocation being priesthood (or other celibate religious). Well first of all, he's only 8, and while he may really feel in his heart now that he wants to be a priest, that could very well change over the years. Even so, there is nothing about being attracted to girls that is contrary to him being a priest.

I think in talking to him the best thing to do is just openly and honestly address his questions the best you can. It's a great testament to your relationship with him that he feels comfortable asking you :)


#7

I had a huge crush on two different guys from the age of 6 to 9. I was embarrassed by it, and I wasn't about to talk about it to any adult. Eventually I got over them. No harm done.


#8

Haha! I remember being in 2nd grade (so 7 years old) and I had a huge crush on a boy in my class. Then my best friend told him, so embarrassing!

Anyways, for me, we didn't watch inappropriate tv or anything, and it was honestly innocent. At that age, for children that weren't traumatized or something, it is innocent and not sexual or anything. I'd say it's normal.

I agree with other posters, since it seems like you do have a close relationship with him, just talk with him and reason through his feelings.


#9

:rotfl:

Some best friend. :stuck_out_tongue:


#10

Like the others have said, it seems pretty innocent. I had a crush on a boy in my Kindergarten class but got over it the next year. The next time I had a crush on someone was in 4th grade only that time, I embarrassed myself in front of him! :blush:

Just try to casually bring it up and let him know that this is perfectly normal. :thumbsup:


#11

I agree with everyone else, sounds totally innocent and nothing to worry about.

I just wanted to add that I think where these things go wrong, is hen the parents "encourage" it (Which it sounds like you are not, so I don't ean you.)

I have seen children as young as yours prodded on by parents who think it's cute to say, "Oh, you love Sally? Are you going to marry her? Go hold her hand, hug her," etc.:eek:

For example. I had 2 kids I was in charge of for a school event -- second graders-- and I had to seperate them becasue the girl kept hugging and kissing the little boy. She told me he was her boyfriend, and that it was OK. I told her it was not appropriate. Later, I saw the mom laughing and joking about it, and saying I was basically overreacting! All I have to say is, good luck to those parents when the girl is in high school!

My daughter had a crush last year (4th grade) and although I encouraged her to talk to me about it, my comments to her were more along these line: "He's a nice boy, I can see why you would like him." But I also told her that the talk of "boyfriends" among her friends was silly. I told her that 4th graders don't "date." She understands. She now laughs when she tells me about the latest "couples" in 5th grade.


#12

With all due respect, I really think this is the time to pray to God for wisdom because if at 8 years old, you are already feeling akward, when you son is a teenager it will be even more of a challenge.

[quote="fran2001, post:1, topic:213594"]
My son is almost 8 years old, but he already seems to have an attraction toward a girl. He has always been homeschooled and watches very little TV. If he watches anything it is always the most innocent kid show or something educational. !

[/quote]

Crushes on the opposite sex existed before TV and public schools. My concern is you don't understand you can NEVER stop someone's heart for flip flopping for a member of the opposite sex - regardless of their age

[quote="fran2001, post:1, topic:213594"]
he says that he thinks about a certain friend (a girl) quite a bit, and he doesn't understand why he likes her so much. !

[/quote]

Nobody with a crush on someone ever understands why. I felt like this at 13 and I still feel like this at 40.

[quote="fran2001, post:1, topic:213594"]
He acts sort of awkward and crazy around her, as if he has a crush on her. !

[/quote]

That is because he DOES have a crush on her. Now is the time to learn to control your behaviour when you have a crush on someone. When he is in the work force he will be dealing with cute girls all day long. Now is the time to learn self control

[quote="fran2001, post:1, topic:213594"]
communicate to him that these feelings are not necessarily bad. !

[/quote]

These feelings are not bad at all. It seems deep down you think they are bad. I have to wonder why? Is it the akwardness of realizing your little baby is going to turn into a man just like all other men? Are you having a hard time accepting your baby is growing up? Or worse, are you scared your son will grow up to cause harm to woman?

[quote="fran2001, post:1, topic:213594"]
He said he is worried about what this means for his vocation! I tried to reassure him, but i'm not sure exactly what to say. Sorry this is so long.

thanks!

[/quote]

Tell him to keep praying to God and God will lead him down the right path. Tell him it is normal to wonder what life will be like when you grow up but the truth is, it is the same as being a kid. The more you rely on God, the happier you will be

CM


closed #13

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