Your favorite funny or unusual Bible verses?

Skinny little 12 year old boy, in reference to 7 foot tall man-shaped Buick (aka “Goliath”);

And David spake to the men that stood by him, saying, What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the reproach from Israel? for who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?
- 1 Samuel 17:26

And people say God doesn’t have a sense of humor.

Nay, I say. God has the best sense of humor. I can take a little religious humor provided it’s in good taste.

Here’s a favorite joke of mine:

A Caucasian man and an African-American man were great friends: Deeply religious, Catholic, and kind-hearted. However, they did tend to argue over God’s race. The Caucasian man argued that God is Caucasian, while the African-American man argued that God is African. Unfortunately, they were arguing about this once after leaving Confession, and it distracted them, causing them to crash. They passed away, but went straight up to Heaven.

When they arrived, they saw St. Peter at the Gate. “Alright, now we’ll find out which one of us was right.” the African-American man said. “Yep.” The Caucasian man replied. When they got close to St. Peter, Peter called out, “Ah, brothers! Welcome! I am aware that you were both interested in meeting God personally, yes?”

“Of course,” the two men said.

“Alright, please follow me.” Peter said. He opened the Gates and led the men to a beautiful marble room with two doors. In the room was a small table with three chairs. “Wait here, brothers. God will be here soon.” Peter said. He then left back for his post at the Gates. The men seated themselves and waited patiently.

A little while later, as the men sat, staring at the door excitedly, the door opened. A glowing, bearded man with a tannish-colored skin appeared.

“Hola, senors!”

:smiley:

“And Tobias went forward, and the dog followed.” Tobit 6:1

Acts 20: 9 And a certain young man named Eutychus, sitting on the window, being oppressed with a deep sleep, (as Paul was long preaching,) by occasion of his sleep fell from the third loft down, and was taken up dead.

I could definitely identify with Eutychus when I was a kid…well if I’m honest I still can…

** Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle.

They said to him, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery.
Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women.  So what do you say?"
They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger.  
 But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."**

Next a Lady came up and tossed a pebble towards the woman. Jesus said, "Ah c’mon Mom. Please don’t do that when I’m making a point!"

:smiley:
I first read that here in these forums. Love it!

That’s a great one that emphasizes Catholic teaching and a little humor all at once.

I loved Mother Angelica’s take on what Christ was writing. She guessed that God was making a list of people there with stones, a list you *really *didn’t want to be on. :slight_smile:

You all absolutely have to see this. Warning, do not watch this with a full mouth of coffee or other beverage unless you keep your computer covered in plastic wrap.

youtube.com/watch?v=2jdWH9N-JXI

BTW, his others are super funny as well:

The Government Can
The Wife Song
Chick-Fil-A
Etc.

Psalms 38:7… LOL!

Strangely, the Catholic Bible translations put the verse in different spots
Ps 38:8 in the NAB
Ps 38:7 in the New Jerusalem Bible
Ps 37:7 in the Douay Rheims

But the translation he uses is funnier than all three. :slight_smile:

Matthew 4:1-2: “Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards He was famished.”

Well, duh. :slight_smile:

And it’s sad that God had not inspired us yet to invent the *sammich *just yet. :slight_smile:

This was one of my favorites…Also the streaker is another favorite one

"Now a young man followed him wearing nothing but a linen cloth about his body. They seized him, but he left the cloth behind and ran off naked. " Mark Chapter 14:52-53

I like Elijah’s response to the false prophets of Baal who had just spent the whole morning unsuccessfully trying to obtain a supernatural sign from their god. (1 Kings 18:27):

"And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.” "

That Elijah was a feisty one!

This one isn’t funny, just one of my favourites:

John 8:58
Jesus said to them: Amen, amen I say to you, before Abraham was made, I am.
(Douay-Rheims Bible)

In university that was one way in which I was able to understand who/what God is: simply “I AM”.

Me, too! :yup:

I apologize in advance for this probably being funny only to me. Kind of like one of those “you had to there”. :o

I’ve never been one to be able to remember the book, chapter and verse that goes along with any particular verse.

Until… I decided to convert from Episcopalian to Catholic. For some reason, the following has stuck with me:

John 6:60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This teaching is difficult; who can accept it?”

:blush:

It strikes me as unbiblical when I read this combination:
It was one of them, their very own prophet, who said, “Cretans are always liars, vicious brutes, lazy gluttons.” That testimony is true. For this reason rebuke them sharply…

It is found in Titus 1:12,13. I get a chuckle out of it on account of the unexpected turn of phrase there.

“When you come, bring the cloak I left with Carpus in Troas, the papyrus rolls, and especially the parchments.” - 2 Tim. 4:13

This may only be funny to those lucky enough to have met my parish priest. Lets just say if you ask him, “Hey Father, whats the word?” He will respond with 2 Tim. 4:13.:cool:

The first bible verse that I ever found funny was this one as a child. It is version dependent. It must come from the KJV:
KJV Ezekiel 3:1 Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, eat that thou findest; eat this roll, and go speak unto the house of Israel. So I opened my mouth, and he caused me to eat that roll.
I sat there and wondered if the roll was more like the jelly-filled or the cream kind. I imagined sort of a large jelly donut flying through the air.

Then, it gets worse…God tells him to “fill thy bowels” with it. :ouch:

I once happened upon a brand of bread that touted its recipe as being Biblically based:

“Again, take wheat and barley, and beans and lentils, and millet and spelt; put them in a single vessel and make bread out of them. Eat it for as many days as you lie upon your side, three hundred and ninety.” (Ezekiel 4:9)

I burst out in laughter in the store because I remembered the humorous exchange about the cooking instructions a few verses later:

“For your food you must bake barley loaves over human excrement in their sight, said the LORD. Thus the Israelites shall eat their food unclean among the nations where I scatter them.”

“Oh no, Lord GOD!” I protested. “Never have I been made unclean, and from my youth till now, never have I eaten carrion flesh or that torn by wild beasts; never has any unclean meat entered my mouth.”

“Very well,” he replied, “I allow you cow’s dung in place of human excrement; bake your bread on that.” (Ezekiel 4:12-15)

I’ve always felt God kind of missed the point of Ezekiel’s objection. (BTW, I couldn’t bring myself to try the bread in the store; I don’t subscribe to that literal of an interpretation of scripture.;))

And this may very well be the origin of the “liers paradox”. If a perrson who ALWAYS lies, like the supposed Cretans, tells you they are always liers, are they lieing about always being liers.

In the more formal Knights and Knaves logic problems, where knights always tell the truth and knaves always lie, neither knights nor knaves can say “I am a knave”.

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