Your reaction to your son or daughter


#1

Hi, i will soon be helping out as part of my University in the role of assisting specifically GLBT students to adjust to growing up and beginning their lives. I have been told that one of the common jobs that is asked of me to do is to advice students on how to best handle their parents after ‘coming out’. As i’m sure that christian (or other relgious) parents are going to be common amongst the students that come to me i was wondering if you could answer a few of these questions just so i could get some perspective:

  1. How would you react if your son or daughter told you they were gay? Would you react differently if they told you they were bisexual?

  2. How would you react if your son or daughter brought home a same sex partner?

  3. What do you think would need to happen for you to be comfortable with a gay son or daughter?

  4. How would you feel if from the early stages of youth your son or daughter exibited non gender conforming behaviours (boys playing with dolls or girls playing with trucks)?

  5. How would you react if your son or daughter told you they were ‘transgendered’ (they felt they were not born into the right gender)?

  6. How would you react if your son or daughter began to change their appearance to that of the opposite gender?

  7. How would you react if your son or daughter told you that they wished to undergoe sex reassignment surgery?

  8. What do you think would need to happen for you to be comfortable with a transgendered son or daughter?

  9. For either of these circumstances would you feel comfortable discussing this matter with an outside person? Would it matter whether this person was a ‘professional’ (such as a doctor, psychiatrist or even a preist)?

  10. Given the reactions you have expressed above what would you say was your greatest influence in hypothetically taking those actions? (was it religious, was it personal experience, was it scientific literature, unknown ect ect)

*Thanks for taking the time to answer these questions. I have been told i have a habit of making questions that are too precise (and possibly bias) so please feel free to extend beyond what a question is asking or altering the questions so you feel them to be clearer. Ideally this whole thing is just to gauge some general opinion so that i know what some parents will likely be feeling should they come in contact with me.


#2
  1. How would you react if your son or daughter told you they were gay? Would you react differently if they told you they were bisexual? I would be sad if they said they were gay because I know how hard their life would be… and how disordered. However, if they told me they were bi… that is a whole other story. Bisexual is without a doubt a disorder. Even if you could argue, (which I don’t believe) that people have a genetic disposition to homosexuality, being attracted to both genders is disordered.

  2. How would you react if your son or daughter brought home a same sex partner? Depends on how old my other children are. Just as with an opposite gender partner… there would be no sleeping together and no inappropriate public displays of attention under my roof.

  3. What do you think would need to happen for you to be comfortable with a gay son or daughter? For them to accept the church’s position. They would have to accept that they cannot marry and pre and extramarital sex is a sin. This would lead to living a chaste life, which is not an impossible thing to do.

  4. How would you feel if from the early stages of youth your son or daughter exhibited non gender conforming behaviors (boys playing with dolls or girls playing with trucks)?
    I don’t believe in gender conforming behaviors… my boys had dolls and my daughters had trucks.

  5. How would you react if your son or daughter told you they were ‘transgendered’ (they felt they were not born into the right gender)? I would get them counseling to help them accept what God made them. If they were over 18… I would suggest where they could go but it would be up to them to schedule and go to counseling.

  6. How would you react if your son or daughter began to change their appearance to that of the opposite gender? Are we talking just clothes and outward indicators? I would not stop them as long as they dressed appropriate for the occasion. However, if you are talking about my sons taking hormones to grow breasts… that is another story. That means to me that they are not accepting how God made them.

  7. How would you react if your son or daughter told you that they wished to undergo sex reassignment surgery? I would be against it. If they were above the age of majority, they can do as they please, but they also have to accept that I would not approve. If they went ahead with such surgery, I would of course still love them and want them to be a part of the family.

  8. What do you think would need to happen for you to be comfortable with a transgendered son or daughter? Not sure… a sign from God that this is the right thing to do?

  9. For either of these circumstances would you feel comfortable discussing this matter with an outside person? Would it matter whether this person was a ‘professional’ (such as a doctor, psychiatrist or even a priest)? Yes with my priest… he already knows the good the bad and the ugly about me and his greatest concern is my salvation. I would most likely be antagonistic towards a psychiatrist because I don’t have much faith in this profession. Anyone who has no moral or spiritual conviction would be discounted too.

  10. Given the reactions you have expressed above what would you say was your greatest influence in hypothetically taking those actions? (was it religious, was it personal experience, was it scientific literature, unknown ect ect) My greatest concern has always been and will always be the salvation of my childrens souls. While their happiness would be nice, their salvation is much more important to me. Given the nature of my relationship with my children, they already know this about me and about our family, so they would know these answers already.


#3

Jarryd,

Are you a Catholic? Do you understand what the Catholic Church teaches about homosexual acts?

As Catholics, there can be only **one **response to a person with same-sex attraction: God calls them to chastity.

If you are a Catholic you cannot be engaged in any sort of “ministry” to those persons if it includes encouraging them in a homosexual lifestyle. Your post seems to indicate that is exactly what you propose to do. You need to rethink this.

I recommend you contact Courage for an authentic Catholic response to the issues facing those with same-sex attraction and enCourage for their families.

www.couragerc.net


#4

I would be very disappointed. I blame the toxic environment in which we live for this explosion in gender confusion. There’s evidence that hormone disrupters in the form of plastics and toxins in our food and water, including birth control and hormone replacement excreted by women, is contributing to all of this.

I also think it’s absurd that our universities pay someone for what you are doing. No wonder the price of a college education is astronomical these days!:eek:


#5

I agree with 1ke, but will also add that I would always love my son/daughter…no matter what news they bring home to me. I would pray for them, but would make sure that they understood my and my dh’s position on this, and that God loves the sinner, but hates our sin. This isn’t the only sin that a child could come home with–if my daughter comes home someday, and tells me she is in love and dating a married man, my answer would be no different than if she were to tell me she is gay.


#6

I would be the same, feel great sadness but would never abandon them any more than I abandoned my brother told me he was gay and when my daughter and my sons when they moved in with their boy/girlfriends.

I expressed my sadness and why but am still very much involved in their lives and always will be.


#7

Your questions indicate that you are very misguided about the subject. I love all my children more than I love my own life. No disorder is going to change that. Your questions however indicate that you are not only in denial of the disorder but you also lack even a basic understanding of sexual morality. That being the case you can only do harm to our children by trying to help. Please don’t.

Daddums :slight_smile:


#8

Yet another thread trying to somehow claim that those who desire to be chaste are evil while those who immerse themselves in hedonistic sin are somehow virtuous and “oppressed”.

These types of threads always come from “new” members.

Twisted logic does not result in a reasonable conclusion. Yet another example of evil trying to justify itself. I think there was a large movement in parts of Europe about 70 years ago that also justified their position with similar leaps of “logic”.

Best to ignore this thread.


#9

:amen: [SIGN]Don’t feed the trolls![/SIGN]


#10

I don’t know if the OP is a troll. From his comments in the meet or greet he seems to be a confused person atheist who is starting to looking into religion who also says he is gay.

It will be very difficult to answer your questions as i am not a parent. I do on the otherhand have some experience with the college life and gay friends. One of the biggest issue i see with your questions is assuming that it is just the parents responsibility to accept their child and their new behaviors as okay. How are the students in your college acting towards their parents? Are they respecting their parents wishes and boundaries or are they trying to force their parents to conform to their views of society? What i mean is are you going to counsel people that if their parents wouldn’t let them come home with their new “partner” or give them ground rules for behaviors in the house are your students going to respect those wishes or are your students just going to draw a line in the sand and push the boundaries and reject their parents? Respect and love go both ways.


#11

Courage and Encourage should be able to provide you with clear guidance.

couragerc.org/


#12

The OP isn’t Catholic. From what I understand, he’s trying to get a perspective from Christian parents so that he can better equip the students and better understand problems and disagreements that will arise between the students and their parents/families. No attacking seems necessary at all. There was no condemning of your opinions from him. IMO, you can choose to answer the questions and help with his understanding, or you can ignore the thread and leave it alone.
I think it’s admirable that he’s not making assumptions about the reaction from most Christians and has instead come to ask you all directly on your ground.


#13

I’d just like to say that girls playing with trucks doesn’t mean anything. I’m the oldest of eight, soon to be nine; I currently have six sisters and a brother. I played with trucks and cars when I was little, and so have all of my sisters as far as I know. The difference tends to be that girls park cars and guys crash them! :wink:


#14

Hi, just thought i’d clarify a few things. First of all i would not class myself as following any specific denomination, i believe in god and follow the teachings of Jesus however i’m not really big on labels (i’m just trying to find the truth in things).

I guess i have made the assumption that those who come to me for advice have already decided that they do not wish to live a celibate life. Considering i’m dealing with teens at university age like myself, i think that asking them to be celibate is a fairly big ask (but thats just my opinion).If someone comes in and asks what the church says about their sexuality i will tell them. Just as i will present various view points on the matter (unbiasedly) so that they can decide which path they wish to follow.

I simply think i’ll be called in to give advice to parents who are in conflict between their beliefs and their childs sexuality (if they choose to form relationships with those of the same sex). I’m sorry if it appears as if i’m pushing an agenda but as i stated my questioning has a habit of doing that.

Just to add two questions out of what has comes up.

  • Would you be comfortable with your child forming a relationship with someone of the same sex but living chastely? (such as simply affectionate behaviours acted)
    *If a relationship were not completely chaste but was a monogamous relationship between your son or daughter and a member of the same sex, would that still make you feel uncomfortable?
  • I realise that those two may be viewed as very subjective (i couldn’t think of a better way of expressing it), basically i wanted to see how you view the same sex relationship itself (without the sexual aspect).

#15

In light of Jarryd’s post above, I want to make it clear that I stand by my previous post on this thread.


#16

Let’s please remember to treat each other with respect and charity. Name-calling and making assertions about the poster’s sincerity is not necessary. If you don’t want to participate - fine - there is no need to announce it.


#17

I think you should challenge your assumptions.

Many have probably never considered this option simply because they’ve never been challenged to consider it. The “gay” culture is about gay sex, period. Therefore, the “gay” lobby has no incentive to promote chastity or look to it as a valid life choice.

Those who embrace chastity often find themselves liberated-- they are no longer defined by their sexual orientation.

Only if you continue to set such low expectations for others.

This is known as relativism, and is rejected by the Church as a heresy. There is one Truth, not many from which we can choose.

Unfortunately, by identifying yourself as working for a “GLTB” organization you are already biased-- truly what these types of organizations want is to “help” parents to “accept” their child’s sexual lifestyle.

However, for those who know that SSA is objectively disordered-- a sin against the moral law-- they can do no such thing. They, of course, love their children.

Again, I think you should look at www.couragerc.net as a model of an authentic response to the issues you bring up.

You have framed your questions in a manner that is not very useful.

It’s not a matter of making anyone “feel uncomfortable.” Remember, homosexual sexual activity is an offense against the moral law-- just like any other sin. So, what you are asking is really something like, “If your daughter was committing adultery with a married man would you be uncomfortable with that?” OR “If you child was a murderer would you be uncomfortable with that?” OR “If you child was a bank robber would you be uncomfortable with that?”

Do you not see how, when framed with any other sin, this sentence becomes nonsensical? But, what a sentence phrased this way tries to imply is that there’s really nothing wrong with what the person is doing-- morally, objectively-- it’s about the subjective “uncomfortable feeling” of the parents… something that should be overcome.


#18

The OP sounds sincere. I reiterate, universities should get out of the social engineering business and concentrate on providing an education. It’s ridiculous to spend money and time on every special interest group under the sun.

Let me ask: Do they have a special counselor there to assist students who have found Christ, but their parents are at odds with their religious convictions?


#19

:bowdown:


#20

The part of the university that i am volunteering my time for is part of an independant student organization (similiar to a union but not specifically) that is set up by the university. It deals with alot of different areas from student advocacy, student well being and social events. I am going to be spending most of my time in the GLBT collective aspect of the organization. There are plenty of other collectives and clubs set up by our organization including a Christian Union which has a large following. What seperates my role from that of simply a student running a club is that i represent the organization and therefor am often called to deal with bigger issues to do with student needs.

Universities often have GLBT or “queer” collectives as this is a specific target group found to have trouble adjusting to university life (due to feeling different) and are often dealing with serious issues related to their sexuality (of the group of 30 that attended events last year 6 were kicked out of home because of their sexuality). The university also has similiar target groups including an extensive international collective and a soon to be up and running disability collective.

I would challenge the notion that ‘gay culture’ is all about sex, as GLB orientation is far more then simply a sexual attraction (i know the term sexual orientation often clouds this). I am deffinetely not going to promote any kind of promiscious hedonistic lifestyle for students too follow as i am disgusted with that aspect adopted by “city” gay culture. There were suggestions by students to go to bars and clubs known for their drugs and gay ‘saunas’ which i flat out rejected as a rediculous and wrong use of our funds. I have also been against using any queer collective as means for political action as there are GLBT people of diverse backgrounds and of different political persuasion (including a few against gay marriage and a significant amount against gay adoption).

I possibly am expecting too little from individuals by assuming that celibacy would be something too difficult for them, and i am not against sharing that point of view. However i am walking a fine line if that is the only view point that i am going to suggest as i am just going alienate many individuals who i may be able to help in other ways. Similiar to how a sexual health lecture could not be widely effective in improving health by simply preaching abstinence (and ignoring other means to prevent risk of disease).

I am aware that there are many views regarding homosexuality within christianity and i think its neccesary for someone to hear all viewpoints and too choose for themselves.

I am possibly getting off track now so i’ll an answer a question more relevent to parents and their children.

It’s not a matter of making anyone “feel uncomfortable.” Remember, homosexual sexual activity is an offense against the moral law-- just like any other sin. So, what you are asking is really something like, “If your daughter was committing adultery with a married man would you be uncomfortable with that?” OR “If you child was a murderer would you be uncomfortable with that?” OR “If you child was a bank robber would you be uncomfortable with that?”

Sorry if my questions were taken as offensive that wasn’t my goal. The questions you were referring too were more about how you would view a non-sexual relationship involving your son or daughter and a member of the same sex that was similiar to a celibate monogamous relationship between heterosexuals. I have known a few gay and lesbian couples to live as a celibate couple with simply affectional expressions of attraction. Would this change any feelings you had about your childs same sex attraction?


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