Your thoughts on anger and how to combat it


#1

Hello.

I am furious with our condo association and the people in it and the manager they employ. Had to get down on my knees and ask “Lord have mercy” and I’ve got the chapter in The Sinner’s Guide handy, I’ve read it a couple of times today and it really helps get things in perspective.

I’d be interested to hear other’s comments about anger. Any takers?


#2

I guess that, as you’re angry with your condo association, you are not a member of that association.

They can employ whoever they like and they can act however they like, just as you can.

They can make completely illogical decisions from time to time, or even all the time, just as you can.

Presumably you’ve spoken to them and made your own opinion clear, but having listened to you, they are unchanged. Just as you sometimes are, when someone tells you that they know better than you, or when they tell you that they would do something different to the way that you would do it.

Recognising that others are entitled to be wrong, helps get rid of anger. They are simply wrong, but that is their right. If they want to be ignorant and not accept your advice, that is their decision and their loss.

You, like me, will have had times in our lives when we have apparently been the only person in the world who fully understands the significance of the situation. Sometimes the whole world is out of step, and only we know what’s going on.

Don’t get angry. Just get smug. As far as the condo association is concerned, they are all out of step and the poor things don’t even realise it.

Keep marching.


#3

I had a situation where I was very angry with someone at work. I knew I should pray for the person, but couldn’t bring myself to ask for anything good. So I prayed that God’s will for the person would be perfectly fulfilled. On the surface, it almost felt like praying for revenge, or at the very least, correction. As my heart softened (ever so slowly), I realized that this was the best thing that could be asked for anyone. I use this prayer all the time now. Maybe you will find it helpful.

Betsy


#4

I get angry, very angry. But then I remember that it is not pleasing to God or even myself. I remember that anger is what dragged us down in the first place. It was anger that caused me to be an athiest for 19 years.
I just need to let my anger die, anger is frustration and if I have God then surly I have no reason to be frustrated? He rules over all, like that storm with Peter and Christ in the boat, remember? “Oh ye of little faith, why are you paniking?”


#5

Hello,

I struggle with anger too. Here are some things that helps me:

1)I try to pray for people who angers me and ask God to bless them.
2)ask God to heal me when people pain me.
3)I try to go to healing mass to be healed from anger and pain.
4)I realize that I’m broken too and needs of God’s help and healing and I make other people angry knowingly and unknowingly.
5)I try to pray the Chaplet of the Divine mercy acknowledging that I need mercy and other people need mercy.
6) Read the Gospel parts where Jesus talks about forgiveness and also meditate on the Jesus passion (the trials and the crucifixion) and how Jesus didn’t get angry and forgave his enemies no matter what they did to him. Jesus never felt self pity, but He wanted the salvation of his enemies. Actually the person who pierced Jesus with a spear on the cross repented and became a great saint. I forgot his name.
7)I realize when I’m angry, the Holy Spirit is offended and He doesn’t reside in a bitter spirit which grieves me a lot.
8)I struggle with pain and anger every day and I try every night to forgive everybody, it’s a struggle.

Finally, sometimes I realize that it’s God will for me to be in a painful situation since the people who hurts me needs prayer. Also, I realize in order for me to be purified for my sins, somebody has to be hurt from me and eventually this person is going to pray for me and God grants me the grace to overcome the sin.

Also, I try to read books about anger and how to overcome it and one of the books is feelings buried alive never die.

May God bless you and help you in your struggle.


#6

After today’s posts, I would say I have a short fuse. :mad: Always have. Always will. However, to combat anger I tell everyone I have it (doesn’t work online however–eye contact very important)! Telling everyone puts me in a position that I will be embarrassed if I lose my temper in front of them… after all, my pride is greater than my anger ;). And because my pride is greater than my anger, when I tell my confessor that this time with this person, it is the last time… it usually is. Now if only I can work on my pride! :smiley:


#7

Hi:

I know this sounds totally crazy, but it was actually a trained counsellor who suggested it to me and it really does work for me. Find a place that is safe from damage like a garage or unfinished basement. Then go to some cheapo store and buy some plates. Yes, you got that right. Then, go to your safe space all alone, and let the angry feelings build inside you til you’re ready to burst- then throw the plate. Throw another if you have to. The physical release will help you. It really works for me.

Good luck.


#8

Who says anger, as such, is a bad thing? It’s energy that you can apply in a positive way or a negative way. It often takes an angry person to make a positive change in the world. Now anger that leaves one in a blind, non-thinking fury is never a good thing.


#9

I’ve always wanted to do that…:slight_smile:


#10

Anger is a natural emotion. Anger generally surfaces because we have witnessed someone or some group who have broken a rule. One of our rules. These rules we learn as children. How to act how to behave how to treat others. Not all people obey the rules we were taught to obey. People from others cultures have different rules to obey then we do. Whenever we see or feel someone break these rules we feel anger. This is all natural.

It is doing something about our anger that leads to sin. First we must realize that what has happened is actually us feeling the need to correct the error we have witnessed. Second to remember that our rules may not apply to others. When people meet from different culture and become angry because of the others failure to treat them as they feel they should be treated this is called culture clash. It is very common in mixed marriages to have serious anger problems caused by the misunderstanding of the root cause of anger.

Anger is a defense mechanism that is triggered whenever we see rules broken. Someone was not respectful or polite or a situation is unjust. In all cases something has happen that you would never have done yourself because you feel it is wrong.

The answer is of course to recognise that the anger is only a feeling. That feelings of anger, envy, lust, avarice etc should all be used constructively. Anger can be just. A sinful reaction cannot.


#11

Anger itself is a sin. It can only manifest when there is a lack of love. Everyone loves people who are easy to love. God wants us to love all of his creations. The bonus points come from loving people who are hard to love. Loving them takes an extra effort. Praying for these people is a good start.


#12

I do not believe that the emotion of anger is a sin any more then the emotion of fear is a sin or the emotion of joy is a sin but all these could be used as a precursor to sin.
It is allowing the emotion of anger to tempt us to carry out or imagine sinful behaviors this would then constitute a sin. The emotion of lust is not a sin neither is hunger a sin in relation to gluttony these are temptations. Anger is an emotion.

The seven deadly sins are anger, lust, gluttony, sloth, envy, pride and avarice. Each of these sins is rooted in a defect in human nature caused by original sin which is selfishness. All sin takes place in the will not the emotion that tempts the will. Otherwise how could we say God’s Anger is Holy if anger itself is a sin. Most anger is absolutely justifiable. Someone just robbed you at gunpoint. The anger we feel about politicians legalizing abortion leading to the murder of 100s of millions of our brothers and sisters. The anger at seeing someone intentionally abuse the Blessed Sacarment. In these cases anger is just. It is using your just anger as an excuse to sin that is not holy.

All sin first involves a precipitous temptation whether self induced or naturally induced or externally induced there is no sin in the temptation. Sin takes place in the will when we use our free will to chose our reaction. These choices lead to either sin or to the practice of virtue. The process of temptation may become instantaneous in the case of habitual sin but it still exists and the cycle can be broken even in the case of habitual sin by pre-supposing the temptation.

How would a person practice a virtue if there was no temptation to the opposite vice. How could you practice meekness if you were never angry. Humility if never tempted to pride.

The sacred counterparts of the seven deadly sins are:
Seven Deadly Vices - Seven Holy Virtues
Pride - Humility
Greed, avarice, coveteousness - Generosity, Liberality, mercy
Lust - Chastity, continence
Anger - Patience, meekness
Gluttony - Temperance, abstinence, self-control
Envy - Love of God, love of neighbor, love of enemy
Sloth - Zeal, Fortitude, courage


#13

Mandate, I see your point.
I have to think about it. Clearly all anger is not a sin. I was wrong when I stated that anger itself is a sin. I am thinking more on the lines of anger that is allowed to turn into resentments and thus a form of hatred. I had the sense that the OP was forming resentments toward the people on the board.


#14

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