You're How Far Along? Did You


#1

Here's a fun little fact that I think really needed to be shared on this forum, because there seems to be some confusion. When a women is pregnant, how far along she is is calculated from the first day of her last period. Now, she didn't become pregnant on that day, she probably, depending on her cycle, became pregnant around two weeks later. If she has a irregular cycle, as so many of us do, it could be different timing, however.

*So, if someone conceived on their wedding night, and after two weeks took a pregnancy test (assuming a regular 28 day cycle) and then happily posted that they were pregnant on CAF, have been married for two weeks, their ticker would show that the woman was four weeks pregnant. You may be thinking: Oh the scandal! However, as is pretty clear in that first sentence of this paragraph: That doesn't mean they had relations before they were married! It means that God blessed them with a wedding night baby (I think that's pretty special!). *

Second off, I know we're on an anonymous forum, but rude is still rude and asking someone you've never met (or even someone you have met!) if they had sex before they got married, because you think you've figured out something on your own, is rude! I know the vast majority of people would NEVER think of sending a message like that, but if you have or if, for some insane reason, you're thinking about it in the future, please pause and realize that there are real people on the other side of the computer screen (and that a pregnant mom has enough to deal with without questioning her... virtues!).

And I'm sorry to any moms out there who've gotten those crazy emails...


#2

I never knew that until I conceived the first time...but I would think common decency and tact would prevent someone from making a comment like that.

If it was a CAF person, do not hesitate to forward you PM to a moderator.

We need to be charitable.


#3

[quote="RedSoxWife, post:1, topic:232137"]
Here's a fun little fact that I think really needed to be shared on this forum, because there seems to be some confusion. When a women is pregnant, how far along she is is calculated from the first day of her last period. Now, she didn't become pregnant on that day, she probably, depending on her cycle, became pregnant around two weeks later. If she has a irregular cycle, as so many of us do, it could be different timing, however.

*So, if someone conceived on their wedding night, and after two weeks took a pregnancy test (assuming a regular 28 day cycle) and then happily posted that they were pregnant on CAF, have been married for two weeks, their ticker would show that the woman was four weeks pregnant. You may be thinking: Oh the scandal! However, as is pretty clear in that first sentence of this paragraph: That doesn't mean they had relations before they were married! It means that God blessed them with a wedding night baby (I think that's pretty special!). *

Second off, I know we're on an anonymous forum, but rude is still rude and asking someone you've never met (or even someone you have met!) if they had sex before they got married, because you think you've figured out something on your own, is rude! I know the vast majority of people would NEVER think of sending a message like that, but if you have or if, for some insane reason, you're thinking about it in the future, please pause and realize that there are real people on the other side of the computer screen (and that a pregnant mom has enough to deal with without questioning her... virtues!).

And I'm sorry to any moms out there who've gotten those crazy emails...

[/quote]

I am not a woman and so I have not used any of those pregnancy tickers. However, I thought that they start with the date and the other information that you input. I assume that it is simple software that can be easily skewed to the proper date.

People asking if you had sex before marriage might not be rude but just plainly stupid (meant in a charitable manner :D).


#4

I should note that it hasn't happened to me personally. But I know others who it has happened to who got nasty emails.

And in response to the "skew the date" comment: the thing is when you're pregnant you're really excited about how far along you are! A lot of the tickers say stuff about what's happening with the baby. And they shouldn't have to skew it! Because even if the dates really didn't match up, no one should be privately emailing anyone to ask!

I do understand how there's confusion, but even with confusion I don't understand privately emailing someone. Anyways, I hope this post helps clear it up with some people. At least for a few weeks!


#5

As JPII said "Stupidity is a gift from God, just do not abuse it". I do not think that he should have added "through CAF PMs". My assumption is that was already implied. :)


#6

Thank you for posting this, OP. My first experience with this actually came from my own mother. When I came back from my first ultrasound and was “10 weeks” along, she was furious that I’d gotten pregnant before the wedding! And then I got this huge lecture on lying to her about sex and how awful I was for having sex before my wedding and all this other stuff… she felt pretty dumb when I educated her on how the count works.

I can’t imagine that someone would feel the need to email someone they don’t even personally know. I agree it’s rude and uncharitable. I’m always surprised at how judgmental people can be. Especially on a site that is supposed to be centered around Christian values. And instead of being Christlike, the first thing that some people do is say, “Oooh, the scandal! You’ve sinned!!!” There’s really no need to point something like that out. :shrug:


#7

Hopefully this thread will discourage anyone from doing this. I can’t start to imagine how upset I would be if I was the pregnant lady in question:mad:.

Regardless of whether the woman is, say, 6 weeks or 6 months pregnant one month into her marriage does not matter. Unless you know with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that she was engaging in premarital relations, you have nothing to say about it. Innocent until proven guilty sure is the norm in courthouses, but it should be in the real world as well. There are also some very pure women have become pregnant, through no fault of their own, through rape or incest. And chose to keep their babies. Why should they have to suffer even more?


#8

[quote="RedSoxWife, post:1, topic:232137"]
Second off, I know we're on an anonymous forum, but rude is still rude and asking someone you've never met (or even someone you have met!) if they had sex before they got married, because you think you've figured out something on your own, is rude! I know the vast majority of people would NEVER think of sending a message like that, but if you have or if, for some insane reason, you're thinking about it in the future, please pause and realize that there are real people on the other side of the computer screen (and that a pregnant mom has enough to deal with without questioning her... virtues!).

And I'm sorry to any moms out there who've gotten those crazy emails...

[/quote]

So you didn't get this email... who did? Maybe I misunderstand something but arent you basing your angry post on a hypothesis?
At any rate if someone asked me if I conceived my baby 2 weeks before marriage I might think them foolishly curious but even if I had made a sexual sin two weeks before my marriage I wouldnt say that my generel virtuous state was all messed up or non-existent just because I made a mistake and afterward gone to confession...
So whats the fuss?


#9

[quote="MissMarlene, post:8, topic:232137"]
So you didn't get this email... who did? Maybe I misunderstand something but arent you basing your angry post on a hypothesis?
At any rate if someone asked me if I conceived my baby 2 weeks before marriage I might think them foolishly curious but even if I had made a sexual sin two weeks before my marriage I wouldnt say that my generel virtuous state was all messed up or non-existent just because I made a mistake and afterward gone to confession...
So whats the fuss?

[/quote]

Seriously? Haven't you ever had anything happen to a friend and been upset because they were injured by it?

At least in my experiences I tend to me more upset to see a friend hurt, than I would be myself.

So no it's not based on a hypothesis (and if you clearly read the part you were responding to that's pretty clear. I said it happens to someone that I know). It's based on something that I know has happened to a couple of my friends who are also on this forum.

And I don't think outright rude and "foolishly curious" are the same thing. Asking someone if they committed a mortal sin is rude. Let's not label bad manners "curiosity."


#10

[quote="RedSoxWife, post:9, topic:232137"]
Seriously? Haven't you ever had anything happen to a friend and been upset because they were injured by it?

At least in my experiences I tend to me more upset to see a friend hurt, than I would be myself.

So no it's not based on a hypothesis (and if you clearly read the part you were responding to that's pretty clear. I said it happens to someone that I know). It's based on something that I know has happened to a couple of my friends who are also on this forum.

And I don't think outright rude and "foolishly curious" are the same thing. Asking someone if they committed a mortal sin is rude. Let's not label bad manners "curiosity."

[/quote]

:thumbsup:
I was shocked to read that someone has been emailing women on the forum about their pregnancy tickers in another thread and was upset for them. I can't imagine getting that kind of message from anyone! I'm glad you brought attention to it!
Way too much free time I guess if they can go through the trouble of doing that!


#11

This is a topic that really angers me. I can’t understand why someone would think it was any of their business if someone they don’t know did conceive prior to their wedding night. My wife and I dealt with accusations like this a ton prior to our wedding, to the point where we quit seeing one friend because she was so insistent on telling people that she’d caught us in the act. We weren’t sexually active before our wedding night, but even if we had been, aside from our parents, I never could figure why anyone thought it was their business. The funny thing is, one of the people who treated us the worst in this regards when we were dating sent out a “20 questions” type note on Facebook several months ago. In it, this bastion of Catholic morals revealed that she’d slept with 17 guys before meeting her husband (she also proudly stated that she’d engaged in other acts with a lot more than that). She’s one of those people that give righteous indignation a bad name.


#12

Oh Cam, you are my hero! :D

Although truth be told, I'm not so upset about it anymore, water off a duck's back!

Although I do wish that people would learn more about pregnancies before assuming anything. And the fact that this has happened to more than just me is just ridiculous. I do sometimes wonder why people post the things they do on this Catholic forum. We of all people should be acting with charity and not assuming.

To MissMarlene, I can assure you, when something like this happens to you more than once, it is something to fuss about. It's annoying, rude, and just ridiculous. The fuss is that people honestly do accuse people of this, and to some people, it's offensive to be accused of something when they took their virginity prior to marriage so seriously. :shrug:


#13

[quote="BrokenFortress, post:12, topic:232137"]
Oh Cam, you are my hero! :D

Although truth be told, I'm not so upset about it anymore, water off a duck's back!

Although I do wish that people would learn more about pregnancies before assuming anything. And the fact that this has happened to more than just me is just ridiculous. I do sometimes wonder why people post the things they do on this Catholic forum. We of all people should be acting with charity and not assuming.

To MissMarlene, I can assure you, when something like this happens to you more than once, it is something to fuss about. It's annoying, rude, and just ridiculous. The fuss is that people honestly do accuse people of this, and to some people, it's offensive to be accused of something when they took their virginity prior to marriage so seriously. :shrug:

[/quote]

I'm so glad that you're not upset anymore! I've always loved readings your posts encouraging others to live chastely and was instantly defensive on your behalf!


#14

Agreed... this is a VERY rude tacky thing for someone to do... And it shows just how nutty people can be. They absolutely look to judge someone on a fault, and they are totally clueless about what they speak...

CLUELESS!!!!! For anyone hurt by this... I'm so sorry... I'm sure it hurt your feelings...

But at the same time... do you? (Or perhaps do you NOW?) Want to laugh really hard?

It's like this woman I knew, that always had something negative to say about EVERYTHING. And one day she started yelling at someone...

"Could you be any stupider?"

And the person just looked at her... "Stupider? Did you just call me 'stupider?" ... While trying to tell me how stupid I am?" And then they laughed REALLY HARD! They couldn't even control it. Right there, in her face.

Laugh I say... laugh!!!!!!!!!! It's good for you. It's good for your baby. Laugh until you throw up... it's GOT to be better than the nausea induced vomiting? Laugh until you pee your pants... Better to do so laughing than just 'cause a cute little number is squishing your bladder to no end...

And then say... "My dear... please google how to determine the gestational age of a baby... And then just know... I'm NOT laughing WITH you!"

HUGS!


#15

1) this seems like an issue for mods. If a poster is bold enough to ask another than report them. Posting such a declaration when it has nothing to do with the OP is like creating a posting on a blog remrk that I find spiritually immature.

2) for the love of everything WHY do the posters sith tickers have to create scandal? If you can figure out how to put a ticker in your profile then you can "trick" it to start on your honeymoon.

3) threads like this will simply get tickers banned. Honestly, id support such a mod act. Many posters unknowingly are putting their children in danger by putting their birthday and picture online. Sites like this are goldmines for identity theft....or even more malicious things.


#16

[quote="SeaShoreGirl, post:15, topic:232137"]
1) this seems like an issue for mods. If a poster is bold enough to ask another than report them. Posting such a declaration when it has nothing to do with the OP is like creating a posting on a blog remrk that I find spiritually immature.

2) for the love of everything WHY do the posters sith tickers have to create scandal? If you can figure out how to put a ticker in your profile then you can "trick" it to start on your honeymoon.

3) threads like this will simply get tickers banned. Honestly, id support such a mod act. Many posters unknowingly are putting their children in danger by putting their birthday and picture online. Sites like this are goldmines for identity theft....or even more malicious things.

[/quote]

I shouldn't have to "trick" anything to make it start on my honeymoon. People should just act with charity, this is a Catholic forum, no? And I've had 3 different people comment, all from this forum. All supposedly Catholic. One was in an open forum, one was via pm, and one was via email.

Why should I have to trick something to make it look like it supposedly "should"? Like Cam already said, it's fun to see what they say is the developmental milestone of my baby. Tricking it would make it more confusing. Besides the fact that there's a thread on here with all the Pregnant Mamas and I like being able to look at their signature and seeing where they are in their pregnancy.

I have a hard time understanding some of your sentences, but for the OP to post this is not spiritually immature, if that's what you're saying? I think it's a good idea. That way people will start realizing how the age of a baby in the womb is calculated. Better this than more people acting with ignorance. I'm all for educating people so they don't make themselves look more foolish. And I don't think she did it in a mean way either. :shrug:


#17

2) for the love of everything WHY do the posters sith tickers have to create scandal? If you can figure out how to put a ticker in your profile then you can "trick" it to start on your honeymoon.

The tickers don't cause scandal in the least.

Normally one will say: I've been married x months.
The other will say: I am x weeks pregnant.

Usually by just looking, one can't deduct anything...one has to "do the math"

I say leave the tickers, let's be charitable, and let's also learn about pregnancy dating.

Pregnancy is dated by the date of the last menstrual period. If someone is ignorant of that fact, there is no reason to be scandalized.


#18

[quote="SeaShoreGirl, post:15, topic:232137"]
1) this seems like an issue for mods. If a poster is bold enough to ask another than report them. Posting such a declaration when it has nothing to do with the OP is like creating a posting on a blog remrk that I find spiritually immature.

2) for the love of everything WHY do the posters sith tickers have to create scandal? If you can figure out how to put a ticker in your profile then you can "trick" it to start on your honeymoon.

3) threads like this will simply get tickers banned. Honestly, id support such a mod act. Many posters unknowingly are putting their children in danger by putting their birthday and picture online. Sites like this are goldmines for identity theft....or even more malicious things.

[/quote]

Maybe you can pray for my spiritual immaturity? I know that I have a lot of growing to do. Most of us do. But I'm not sure that standing up for a friend would classify me as "spiritually immature." Or was it responding to the discouragement that women receive for covering? I have a feeling that comment might have been directed at another thread (although that is strange because that seems to be the very thing you are discouraging, is it not? I'm sorry, it just was so vague as to be unclear? Is it that I wouldn't argue anymore on the headcovering thread, so you've decided to follow me over here? That doesn't seem very kind [or spiritually mature!]. I hope I'm wrong.).

I'm reminded everyday of how much growing I have to do. When I lose my temper. When I let something slip when I'm talking to my husband and then realize that it certainly could be considered "gossip." And every time I examine my conscience before confession. No matter how hard I try I frequently fall short. But I keep picking myself up and praying. God's Grace is sufficient.

Thank you for being charitable as you "reprove the sinner."

[quote="BrokenFortress, post:16, topic:232137"]
I shouldn't have to "trick" anything to make it start on my honeymoon. People should just act with charity, this is a Catholic forum, no? And I've had 3 different people comment, all from this forum. All supposedly Catholic. One was in an open forum, one was via pm, and one was via email.

Why should I have to trick something to make it look like it supposedly "should"? Like Cam already said, it's fun to see what they say is the developmental milestone of my baby. Tricking it would make it more confusing. Besides the fact that there's a thread on here with all the Pregnant Mamas and I like being able to look at their signature and seeing where they are in their pregnancy.

I have a hard time understanding some of your sentences, but for the OP to post this is not spiritually immature, if that's what you're saying? I think it's a good idea. That way people will start realizing how the age of a baby in the womb is calculated. Better this than more people acting with ignorance. I'm all for educating people so they don't make themselves look more foolish. And I don't think she did it in a mean way either. :shrug:

[/quote]

And to respond to the idea of "tricking the tickers." A Broken Fortress said it much better than I ever could.


#19

I completely agree! Even if someone thinks they’re sure that two people had sex before marriage, it’s no one’s business. What does pointing it out really accomplish? If the couple did have sex before they were married, and they’re Catholic, chances are they already know the morality issue behind it. Pointing it out doesn’t achieve anything positive.

Personally, I think it’s just something that people do to make themselves feel like they’re living a better life somehow. The same way the bully on the playground will put someone else down to make themselves feel better.


#20

I completely agree with both of you on this! And I’ve definitely been reminded of playground bullies lately when online. :frowning:


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